


the Great Porg Invasion

by Kippur



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen, Morgan Freeman saves all, Randomness, besides the porgs, completely self indulgent, just a lot of porgs terrorizing people, magical inn, no porgs were harmed, not quite star wars, silliness abounds, they're all pretty much original characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-03 07:49:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13336686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kippur/pseuds/Kippur
Summary: There are Inn's out there. Magical Inns that exist between time and space. That connect to all realities and possibilities.  The Passages Inn is one such place. Run by an Ancient Eldritch Abomination by the name of Alec, he hosts and caters to a huge variety of beings from everywhere and every when.And now it's been invaded, somehow, by porgs.Lots of porgs.





	1. Invasion

**Author's Note:**

> This is a totally self indulgent fic that appeared in my head after watching the Last Jedi. It's the first story that I've been able to write (and finish) in over a year. 
> 
> Also, porgs.

Porgs.

Quite honestly, Alec wasn’t exactly sure how they got into the Inn. Then again, he wasn’t quite sure how a lot of things that happened in the Inn, happened in the Inn. Inter -dimensional chaos built upon places were prone to those sorts of problems. In this case the problems were porgs. A flock of them were currently infesting the Inn. He found a nest of porglets in his filing cabinet with a very hissy mother porg. That would be the last time he left a drawer open.

Paying his employees would be interesting this time around.

A porg made a nest out of your timesheets…

That would go over real well.

From another room he heard Devon shriek in pain and the follow it up with a string of dragonic curses that indicated that the porg that bit him was going to be dinner. Idly, Alec wondered if he should stop him from eating the birds. Another shriek followed.

This one not from a porg or Devon but from a small girl who screamed “NOOOO!! YOU CAN’T EAT HER!!”

Peeking out of his office, Alec saw Ceilidh running out of the lounge, tightly clutching a porg in her arms and darting up the stairs and into the depths of the Inn.  In her arms, the porg looked absolutely delighted at this turn of events as it screamed out a shrill war cry. 

Stalking out of the lounge with a light limp and holding his hand, Devon glowered at everything, his eyes glowing faintly red and thin trails of smoke curling out of his mouth. That wasn’t good. His manager rarely lost control unless something really pissed him off.

“Where’s the bandages?” he snarled, getting up to Alec. His teeth looked a bit sharper than a human’s but that, at least, was normal for him.

“Back here. What happened?”

“I was trying to get one of those… creatures off of the couch when it bit me.” He held up the hand which bled steadily, leaving Alec to hope that the bites didn’t have any sort of dangerous… things he needed to worry about. Then again, dragons were tough and hard to make sick, so Devon should be fine. Just cranky.

“I see.”  Thankfully the first aid kit wasn’t in the filing cabinet with the nest, but instead inside a desk drawer. He pulled it out and started sorting through looking for some antiseptic and large band-aids. Finding a clean rag in it, he tossed it to Devon to help staunch the bleeding.

“And Ceildih took offense to my threats and so she kicked me and ran off with the porg.”

“That, I heard. I’ll talk to Siobhan about that.”

“Oh, I can do that,” Devon said with a slight grin, the red in his eyes fading to leave their usual sort of copper color.

“If I said no flirting would it stop you?”

“No.”

“I didn’t think so,” Alec said with a slightly repressed sigh. The repressed sigh went into full blown sigh when he saw a porg wander by the office door wearing a pink ribbon around her neck.  “Where do you think Ceilidh finds all those ribbons?”  Because Ceilidh would be the only one who’d put pink ribbons on a porg. She always seemed to have enough for any creature she wished to be- ribbon.

“I don’t know,” Devon said, also watching the porg wander by. 


	2. Assessment

Fifteen porgs, not including the three porglets in the filing cabinet, currently wandered the Inn. Building on Ceilidh’s idea, Alec had tagged the wandering porgs with different colored ribbons. The only one untagged was the momma porg as she still wouldn’t let anyone near her. At least he found fifteen porgs. Hopefully there weren’t more. They didn’t seem to mind the ribbons – though one or two did yank them off their friends. Alec had Trever ask them not to take the ribbons off.

After some discussion, they agreed.

“They’re smarter than they look,” the red head said, looking up from his crouched position. One of the porgs – wearing a pale green ribbon – tried to pull the keys out of Trever’s pocket.

“Not surprising,” Alec said, leaning against the bar. “The island where they came from is known for being the origin point for a certain… sect of individuals who are capable of using something called the Force. Kinda like magic but… not quite… the connection between everything, I suppose. So they probably picked up some of that.”

It felt weird explaining the Force to Trever. Alec knew a version of him that actually lived in the same reality where the Force existed and in fact was Force sensitive. Dark Jedi even. Not this Trever though. This one lived on Earth in Eire and had the magical knack to talk to animals. Like his cousin Ceilidh. It took quite a bit of clever manipulation on Alec’s part to make sure the pair of them never met.

Though, the likelihood that the Trever from the porg’s reality would know about porgs was slim to none considering how remote and unknown Ach-To was in general.

“Huh. Some sort of … contamination?”

“Mm… maybe something like that.” The idea of the Force being considered a contamination or mutation amused Alec. “I’m not one hundred percent sure.”

Reaching over he plucked a salt shaker off the side of wall and placed it onto a table. It growled in annoyance and snapped at his fingers, just barely missing.

 

Scratching the porg under the chin, Trever stood up. “Right. Out of curiosity, why can’t you just toss them back to their home world.”

“I’ve tried. They keep on reappearing.”

“Sounds like you’ve got a leak. Might want to talk to Adrian about it.”

A startled yell came from the lounge followed by, “Bring that back!”

Both men turned and saw a porg wearing a sparkly blue ribbon run out into the lobby holding a pen in its mouth. Adrian soon followed. The porg vanished under the front desk fast enough that Adrian almost smacked himself in the head trying to dive for it.

“Adrian? You alright?” Alec asked, coming out of the bar to check on his sort of friend-boyfriend- companion in ideas that weren’t at all bad despite what others might say.

“I’m fine. One of those porgs stole my pen.”

Kneeling next to him, Alec peered under the desk to see what he could see. Dark vision was useful. He could see the porg and a bunch of other random shiny things. Including some of his dice. How did they get those? Weren’t they locked up?  The porg, meanwhile, happily added the pen to its nest of shiny things and coo’d softly.

“Was it an important pen?”

“Anna gave it to me for our birthday. Its ink never runs dry.” Adrian sounded more annoyed that he lost a pen that never ran dry than the fact that one of his twin sisters’ gifts got stolen by a porg. White blond with icy blue eyes he was probably the smartest person that Alec knew. Also completely insane in the ‘there’s no such thing as a bad idea even if it may destroy all of reality’ sort of way.

Definitely one of his better qualities in Alec’s opinion.

“Oooh. Nice.” He reached out underneath the desk and managed to grab the pen before the porg could nip at him. “Glad you’re here by the way.”

Taking the pen back, Adrian tilted his head a little with a bit twitch of a smile. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I need help getting rid of the porgs,” he said before adding, “Sending them home. The door keeps on letting them back in.” Sometimes he had to qualify these things because otherwise he’d come to the ocom’s razor (or whatever it was called) solution. In this case probably kill the porgs.

Which, annoying as they were, Alec didn’t want to do. It wasn’t their fault they’d gotten into the Inn.

“Hm…” Adrian said mostly to himself. He was probably discussing the problem with himself. In fact he wandered off with a distracted look on his face and almost walked into the doorway. Fortunately, at least one him was pay attention to where he was going.

The responsible one, Alec was told. Or – as the others called him – the no fun one. He apparently thought that possibly destroying all of reality was a bad idea.

Alec couldn’t see why.

Apparently other people thought that way…

But that wouldn’t be a problem with getting rid of the porgs.

At least, Alec didn’t think so.


	3. Naps and Naming

Part Three

A soft purring noise slowly pulled Alec out of his nap. A weight pressed down on his chest and for a moment he thought Spook decided to take a nap on him. But Spook, being a spirit, didn’t actually weigh anything. Also, he wasn’t sneezing. Cracking open one eye he saw a porg with a lavender ribbon sleeping on him. Next to him, between him and the couch, slept another porg. A third preened on the armrest by his feet before yawning and fluffing up her feathers. Her eyes closed and she drifted asleep.

Shifting to try and sit up caused the porg on his chest to flex his claws and dig into his skin. A hiss of pain escaped him and he dropped back down. Someone out of his view snickered.

“What?” Alec snapped.

“Nothing. You just look rather cute like that,” a shadow said. Alec didn’t know too much about them beyond that they were… well… a shadow with holes where the eyes should be. Behind the holes he could see infinity.

“Hah.” The porg sleeping on his chest shifted and dug his claws into Alec’s skin again. “Take a picture why don’t you?”

“Already done.”

Alec felt absolutely no surprise at that statement. “Who else?”

“Anyone with a readily available camera. They’re going to make copies for those who don’t have them.”

“Of course they are.” Briefly he thought about trying to get rid of the photos but know it would be an impossible task. At least it wasn’t the most embarrassing picture ever taken of him.

The shadow stood up and drifted over to Alec. “Here. Let me help you.” It reached out and plucked up the porg sleeping on him. The bird barely shifted in the shadow’s arms and Alec scrambled up to his feet. Once free of the couch the shadow placed the porg back on the couch. It fluffed up its feathers and continued sleeping.

“I need coffee,” Alec muttered and stalked out of the lounge. The shadow followed him by slipping into Alec’s own shadow. “Do you mind?”

Sliding back out the shadow sighed. “Your shadow is so interesting…” It sounded almost like a whine that could have been made by the whistling of the wind an empty barn in a forgotten farm.

“So I’ve been told. So I’ve been told.”

Entering the bar he found Adrian sitting at it with a porg on a stool next to him wearing some sort of crystal crown and … camera? On the bar itself Adrian stacked papers filled with arcane scribblings. 

“You’re awake!” he said, smiling widely at him. He ignored the shadow which vanished into one of the dark corners of the room.

“Theoretically,” Alec said going behind the bar.

“Devon said we should let you sleep since you hadn’t for the past two days.

“Two days? Really?” It didn’t feel like it. He tried to remember what he’d been doing before the porgs showed up.

“That’s what he said. So you’re not allowed to tell me to go to sleep when I’ve been up for at least two days.”

“No promises. Whatcha working on?” He took a pot of coffee and a mug from under the bar and filled it up. After a second’s thought he pushed the mug over to Adrian and poured another cup.

“Your porg problem. We need you to open the door to their world. We’re going to send this porg through and see where it ends up. That’ll give us a clue as to where the portal is and how to close it,” Adrian said watching as Alec dumped a dentist’s worth of sugar into his cup. “Trever asked the porgs how they got here before he had to run. They said ‘through a hole’.”

“Not very helpful.”

“At least it’s an actual ‘doorway’ so to speak.” He tapped his finger on some notes that looked like a cross between advanced physics and arcane runes. “Seventy three percent of us think that one of the porgs must have accidentally opened up the doorway and maybe the Force? Or something… I’m not really sure.” Adrian frowned at his numbers. He didn’t like the Force. It was hard to quantify. “Kept it open.”

Accidentally opened up the doorway. Alec knew exactly what that meant. To get to his inn by accident you had to walk a particular pattern and then stop in front of a doorway. Which one of the porgs – possibly running around – must have done. Once a doorway was opened, the doorway could – depending on the circumstances – become a permanent doorway. Which… it looked like this one had.

“Huh. I didn’t think of that.”

Adrian patted him lightly on the hand. “That’s why we’re here. Anyway, I want to send Silken Feathers here –“

“Wait. Silken Feathers?”

“Oh. Yeah. Ceilidh came by and named all the porgs.”

“Which one is Princess Shredder of the Flesh of the Evil that Lurks?” Alec pulled the name out of the air but …

“The one in the pink and blue ribbon,” Adrian said immediately.

He mentally shuffled through the porgs in the Inn. “That’s the fat one that’s scared of her shadow, right?” 

“Yeah.”

Of course she’d give the poor porg such a … Alec didn’t know what to call the name… name. McCallum name. McCallums tended to scatter rather… unusual names … in between seemingly normal ones. It was how they ended up with horses named Dawn, Shady Lord, Blueberry and Bone Crusher.

“Anyway, I need you to open the door for me since I can’t get it to the right place.”

“Right.”

Ushering Silken Feather to the door, Alec opened it up and Adrian gave her a slight shove through. The porg squawked and then ran through. Unfortunately they couldn’t actually see what was on the other side. Vaguely, Alec wondered what the Caretakers or Luke –if he was on the island at the time – would make of the be-ribboned and camera wearing porg.

If he were the responsible sort he wouldn’t have allowed Adrian to send foreign technology into another world but … eh. Whatever.

“Now we wait,” Alec said, crossing his arms.

“Any idea of what to do?” Adrian asked.

Leaning forward with a grin, Alec said, “Oh. Yes I do. I’m in a serious mood to do something alright.”


	4. Data Retrieval

The nice thing about being able to access every single possible universe and reality meant that Alec had access to every single piece of media possible. In this case it meant having access to a version of the _Star Wars_ prequels that actually didn’t _suck_. It wasn’t that the prequels were bad, persay, just poorly executed. The ideas were fine. So, Alec found a version that actually was well put together without things like the ‘I hate sand’ line or wooden acting and kept those. It was a hard thing to find and he had to search for quite a while before finding it. Funnily, he’d yet to find a version where Jar-Jar Binks didn’t exist. He did find one where in the Sequel trilogy Jar-Jar was Snoke though.

 

That one had been… interesting… He’d go with interesting.

 

In any case, with several large bowls of popcorn and blankets, Alec and Adrian snuggled up on the couch in Alec’s private rooms to watch the Phantom Menace. At some point some porgs, of course, got into the room. Muffin, Sean (named after Ceilidh’s uncle Sean, Adrian told him), Princess Butterfly and poor Princess Shredder of the Flesh of the Evil that Lurks to be exact. Helpfully, Ceilidh wrote their names on their ribbons.

 

Adrian fell asleep about halfway through, hand almost entwined with Alec’s and resting his head on his shoulder. It was warm, comfortable and nice. Even with the porgs sprawled on them. Horribly domestic and, thankfully, no one around to take pictures.

 

Just as they were about to reach the climatic lightsaber battle, John William’s score rolling into the Duel of the Fates, something on Adrian began beeping.  Jerking up and awake he sent the popcorn bowl sprawling onto the floor and Princess Butterfly into said bowl. She didn’t seem to mind this, happy to have a chance to try popcorn. Alec scrambled for the remote and hit pause.

 

“Seven thousand thirty in a quad rune structure!” Adrian said before blinking and looking around. “Oh. What?”

 

“You started beeping,” Alec said, picking popcorn out of his hair. Sean relieved him of it.

 

“I did?” Adrian checked himself and pulled out a small remote with a crystal gleaming in the center. “Oh! Silken Feather is back. That was quick.”

 

Dryly, Alec said, “She must like it here.”

 

“They all must. Come on. Let’s check the camera.”

 

“Lets,” Alec said with a scrub of his face. He picked up the popcorn bowl, porg and all and shooed out the other three.

 

 

Silken Feather returned with an unribboned friend. After a quick bit of wrangling, the new porg, dubbed Banana by Alec because Adrian insisted they couldn’t have one without a name, got a grey ribbon.

 

“It would break the pattern. You can’t have that. Patterns are important. Ninety three percent of us agree with that.”

 

Ninety three percent agreement? That was a rare enough occurrence that without (much) complaint Alec wrote ‘Banana’ on the ribbon and reluctantly released the porg into the Inn.

 

“It’s like some sort of bizarre catch and release program,” Alec said watching Banana steal a fork.

 

“Do you think there’s a documentary on porgs somewhere?” Adrian asked as he took the camera off Silken Feather.

 

“MhmHmm. And narrated by Morgan Freeman too.” Oddly, Alec had found that Morgan Freeman had narrated a documentary of penguins or other similar creatures in almost every reality he’d visited which had the possible technology. Technically speaking, Morgan Freeman shouldn’t exist in Adrian’s world but he did… and he’d narrated such a documentary.

 

“He’s got a really nice voice.”

 

“So he does.”  As Adrian fiddled with the camera and trying not to hurt the porg as he removed it Alec got sandwiches for the two of them from the kitchen.

 

When he returned, the porg had been released and Adrian was loading up the memory chip into his laptop.

 

“Oh, thanks,” Adrian said absently, watching as the footage came up. He moved the laptop around so Alec could see too.

 

The video showed the porg squirming through a tunnel for about three minutes and then popping up and out onto a steep grassy hill. It shook as Silken Feather probably shook herself and then she trundled off to a larger grouping of porgs.

 

“Did you know a group of porgs is called a murder?”

 

“Really? Huh. I wonder why.”

 

“Dunno.”

 

“Well… it’s about three minutes of darkness… and considering how quick they are and able to fit into such small places that hole is probably too small for us to fit into or reach down.”

 

“Bugger,” Alec sighed. “So, going to the Island and shutting it from that end isn’t an option.”  He couldn’t close the portal from the front of the doorway but at the end where they actually popped out; where the door, so to speak, would be.

 

“Apparently not.”

 

“So… we need to think of something else…” Leaning against the bar, Alec pressed his hands together and rested them against his face, fingers pointed up and touching his nose.

 

“Yeah. But, I’ve got to go – Adrienne is expecting me to actually show up for dinner tonight. It’s some fancy party and I need to change.”

 

Shoulders slumping a little, Alec nodded. “Sure. I’ll see you at the dinner?”  Meaning the alternate that lived in Adrian’s world. Alec himself wouldn’t be going.                                                                 

 

“Nah. You’re lucky enough to not have been invited.”

 

“Yay me.”

 

“Hah. You get to spend it studying instead.” Adrian gave him a quick kiss on the lips before heading to the door. “Finals start tomorrow!”

 

“Maybe the school will blow up!”

 

“Don’t you dare! Rhys’ll have your head.”

 

“Yes. Yes. Fine. I’ll just… do something with all the porgs…”

 

“You’ll figure it out. I’ll be back as soon as possible.  With a wave, Adrian left the Inn. Alec sighed and watched as a salt shaker start to inch the forgotten sandwich. Alec shoved the plate closer to Moogie and watched as a large mouth opened up, glassy sharp teeth visible and a long tongue flick out to grab the bacon strips.

 

“You finish those up, I’m going to go… do something intelligent.”

 

Someone – the shadow – snorted from the depths of the bar and Alec flicked them off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just feel like Morgan Freeman is one of those people who are just universal and multiversal. One of those constants. As is the March of the Penguins or March of the Creature. In this case porgs.


	5. The End Is In Sight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which dragons revolt and Morgan Freeman provides the answers.

It took Adrian three days before he could escape back to the Inn. During that time the number of porgs grew to twenty-seven. Alec gave up trying to keep them out. Whenever he, or someone else, spotted a new one, they were grabbed and ribboned. The person who caught them got naming rights. It saved over named bickering.

 

Devon growled low whenever he saw any of them near him and though the porgs never encountered a dragon before in any shape quickly learned to fear him and run away. Getting fire spat at you would do that. Alec did, for his own amusement, find the porg documentary narrated by Morgan Freeman.

 

It was quite informative.

 

It also held Ceilidh completely enthralled to the point where she sat in a pile of porgs and didn’t bother anyone.

 

“Amazing,” her Aunt Grace said.

 

“Shame we can’t take the video with us,” her Uncle Rory, and Grace’s twin, said, looking at Alec hopefully as he spoke.

 

Alec shook his head. Rory’s Luck wouldn’t be working here.

 

“Okay. Show me these things Adrian,” Adrienne said as she shoved open the door to the Inn. It slammed against the wooden Indian Alec had by the door and something cracked, making him wince. Behind her walked Adrian and Anna. The triplets were very obviously related. All three of them being tall with the same blond hair and blue eyes. Adrienne had the muscles, however, and Anna the curves. Adrian was in the middle of the two of them.

 

The entrance of Adrienne didn’t cause Ceilidh to start jumping and yelling in excitement which proved the power of porgs and Morgan Freeman. That actually earned an eyebrow raise from her.

 

“They’re cute,” Anna said as one of them, Beezle, waddled up to her. She crouched down and petted her. Beezle went for her shiny necklace causing her to jerk back in surprise. “Hey now!”

 

“Oh. Sorry. I forgot to mention they like stealing shiny objects,” Adrian said.

 

“Good thing I’m not wearing that dress from the other night,” Adrienne said. After tucking away some shiny jewelry under her shirt she knelt down to pet a disappointed Beezle. “They are cute. Aren’t you…? Oh. Look at those teeth. So sharp. I bet you could rend the flesh right off bones, couldn’t you?” she cooed.

 

Alec leaned over to Devon and started to ask why all his friends were murder and violence happy crazies but then remembered that Devon was a dragon. They also fell under that heading. Instead he let out a hard breath of air and muttered, “I need better friends, I think.”

 

“What?” Devon asked.

 

“Nothing.”

 

Giving Alec a Look indicating she heard him, Adrienne waved to Rory and Grace and poked Adrian in the shoulder with a “Behave” before going to talk to the two red heads. Probably about weapons and violence. Yup. She was pulling out a long knife with a bone handle…

 

Picking up Beezle, Anna said, “We’re not all that bad.” Apparently she also heard him.

 

“You gave a bunch of people the Black Plague once,” Alec pointed out.

 

With a sniff she said, “They kidnapped me. It was in self defense.”  

 

“Right.”

 

“I’m going to check up on my garden.” She poked Alec in the shoulder. “Behave.”

 

With Beezle still in her arms, she headed out to the back of the Inn where she’d been cultivating herbs and vegetables that she couldn’t grow at home.

 

“I wonder if I should mention that the porgs got into the garden… they didn’t do too much damage.”

 

“Nah. Come on. I had an idea,” Adrian said, pulling him to the bar. For some reason all their best ideas happened in the bar.

 

“Me too, actually.”

 

“I can’t wait to hear it,” he purred.

 

Fifteen minutes later, with their usual mess of papers and sandwiches spread before them, Adrian gently shoved Moogie off his plate before tapping a set of equations. “I think that’ll work. Do you have something to hang it onto?”

 

“I’m sure I’ve got something shiny enough around here that they’ve not stolen,” Alec said watching as Devon scared off a porg that was rooting around in a patron’s purse. Not a regular patron, so she had a rather bemused expression on her face.

 

No one would believe her.

 

Ah well.

 

“What about the porglets?”

 

“They’re flapping around and I found one wandering on the floor so I think they’re able to leave the nest… or will be soon.” He’d scooped the wandering porglet back into its nest before its mother realized it was missing. It seemed rather miffed at being back inside of there. “I guess I can wait until they’re fledged enough to actually leave,” he said rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly.

 

He was so sick porgs.

 

So sick of them.

 

“Has Ceilidh named them yet?”

 

“Yes. Princess Fuzzy-Butt, Princess Rainbows, Princess Millie and Peanut.”

 

Adrian blinked and then shrugged. “Sounds about right. How long do they have?”

 

“Dunno. A week, maybe?”

 

“Can the Inn stand a week more of porgs?”

 

“Maybe…” Alec said hesitantly.

 

“No!” Devon called out from somewhere. He stalked into view, a few feathers in his hair. “I want them gone or I’m gone.”  The words came out as a slow snarling growl.

 

“You could take a vacation…?” Adrian suggested.

 

Devon paused in mid growl. “You know… that’s a good idea. I haven’t had one in ages.” Turning to Alec he said in short and sharp biting words, “I’m going on vacation, boss. Paid vacation. Starting now.”  Spinning on heel he stalked out as quickly he stalked in.

 

Alec gazed levelly at Adrian. “I now have to deal with a murder of porgs, without my second in command. The only person here who can scare the porgs. For a week.”

 

“… Sorry?” Adrian gave him a horribly pathetic puppy-eyed look making Alec feel terribly guilty about being annoyed. “I’ll make it up to you.”

 

“By helping me porg wrangle?” Alec suggested.

 

“Ah… I do have things to do back home…Very busy. Finals and everything. Grading papers… and…”

 

“Think of it as a vacation!”

 

Clutching a blanket around her like a cape, a porg riding on the part dragging on the floor, Ceilidh came into the bar “Did you know that a porg can lay up to four eggs at a time?”

 

“No. How long does it take for a porglet to grow up?”

 

Ceilidh counted on her fingers and then held up two hands. “About fifteen days!” she said. “Can I have some more popcorn… please?”

 

“Sure. Thanks.”

 

Reaching under the bar he pulled out a bowl of popcorn for her. “Thank you!” She turned back around, porg still riding in her blanket cape. The March of the Porgs called to her.

 

“Fifteen days. It’s been about eight. I can last a week.”

 

“Sure you can,” Adrian said, patting him gently and not at all confidentially.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who could not be enthralled by the smooth tones of Morgan Freeman?


	6. A Week and an End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Inn endures a week of porgs before finally being free.

Day one: Alec discovered three more porgs bringing the total up thirty. Their names (not including the porglets) were:  
1\. Sean  
2\. Beezle  
3\. Silken Feather  
4\. Banana  
5\. Princess Butterfly  
6\. Princess Shredder of the Flesh of the Evil that Lurks  
7\. Boingy  
8\. Chaucer the Floaty One  
9\. Wiggles  
10\. Princess Poopy-Head  
11\. Thursday  
12\. April  
13\. Phoenix  
14\. Trinket  
15\. Luke  
16\. Momma (the mother of the porglets, of course)  
17\. Princess Shroud of the Everlasting Night  
18\. Bone Crusher  
19\. Twinkle  
20\. Florggy  
21\. Pickles  
22\. Rue  
23\. Vax’ll  
24\. Princess Flowers  
25\. Bubbles  
26\. Orion  
27\. Quentin McQuire the Third Defeater of Dust Bunnies and Eater of Mothballs  
28\. Edna  
29\. Shredder  
30\. Hoot-Hoot. 

Day Two: 

Someone dressed up some of the porgs. It wasn’t Ceilidh as she’d not been at the Inn since watching the documentary. Alec had a sneaking suspicion it was his sister. Whoever the culprit was, Alec now had a group of porgs wearing ponchos and hats. 

Being the kind eldritch abomination that he was, Alec took photos of the dressed up porgs before removing their clothes. Somehow Pickles always ended up in a poncho no matter how often he took it off them. 

Day Three: 

Three more porgs showed up. They were named Lumpkin, Bumpkin and Lloyd. 

Ivy ended up with a porg, Bubbles, riding around on her shoulder. She discovered that he was very good at discouraging flirting. 

Three porgs started following Roz around. He didn’t really know what to do about them but it was kinda adorable watching them follow him around like ducklings. 

Day Four: 

Nothing terrible happened. 

Day Five: 

Porgs, Alec discovered, disliked necromancers. Theo came to visit and suddenly he had over thirty porgs hissing at him. They flapped their wings and backed him into a corner. It was kinda funny watching a man, a demigod even, be menaced by a bunch of fluffy space puffins. Though a relatively decent guy, he was a very powerful necromancer. Apparently they considered him a dark side user. All the death around him. 

It confirmed Alec’s theory that the porgs were Force sensitive. 

With a great deal of effort and some brooms, Alec and Roz were able to get the porgs away from Theo long enough for him to get out. 

Being the terrible eldritch abomination that he was, Alec took pictures of it before helping Theo. His fiancée would appreciate them, he was sure. 

Day Six: 

One more porg showed up. Alec named it Picard since it seemed to enjoy drinking tea. 

The porglets were wandering around… wobbling around… his office. It was, he had to admit, ridiculously cute. Especially when they flopped on their stomachs and flailed. Momma porg was highly protective and Alec couldn’t get into his office. 

He left food and shiny objects for them to play with. 

It was important, Trever said, for them to have enriching toys to play with to help with their development. 

Trever, being a vet, probably knew what he was talking about. 

As an after thought he set up a camera to record the porglets wandering around. 

Day seven: 

Adrian returned with a bright and shiny crystal. It practically glowed. Setting it down on the bar as if it were the finest treasure in all the multiverse he said, “This is going to get rid of our porg problem.” 

It warmed Alec’s heart to hear Adrian say ‘our’ though he didn’t say it. 

“It’s nice,” he said, picking up the crystal and turned it around in his fingers. “It’ll hold the charge?” 

“If you charge it, it should. It’ll be attached to your powers so as long as you exist it should hold.” 

“Good. Good.” If he stopped existing the Inn would too and the entire problem would be moot. “So. Charge up the crystal. Round up the porgs. Send them back through the door. Hold one of them back. Give them the crystal. It should drop on the other side creating a barrier preventing them from getting through.” 

“Yup.” 

The two of them developed a ward that should – when it came to Alec and his powers it was always should – create a porg proof barrier. “What’s going to make the porg going to drop the crystal?” 

Adrain got a thoughtful look on his face. “We could tie a piece of string to it,” he suggested after a moment.” 

“Hope that the porg doesn’t fight back?” 

“Maybe we should stick the crystal, attached to a string, onto the back of a porg. Then yank it off.” 

“That could work.” 

“Right. Let’s go round up some porgs.” 

Three hours later they rounded up all the porgs. They ended up with thirty-seven porgs (not including porglets). Six extra porgs. Alec didn’t want to know how that one happened. He just wanted the porgs out. 

Ceilidh kept on trying to walk off with a porg but Rory or Grace would turn her around and make her put the porg back. After some searching, Alec found a stuffed toy porg and handed to her. This mollified her a little. They sat her on the front desk so she could watch them. 

One after another, after removing ribbons and clothes, Trever cajoled the porgs to go through the door. Momma and her porglets went first. Despite Ceilidh not trying to steal porgs, they kept on wandering off and several times Rory and Grace graciously brought the escapees back. 

Finally. Finally. They were down to Picard. The last porg.

“This won’t hurt him,” Trever said as he tacked the crystal onto Picard. “It’s a light enough glue.” He said this mostly for Ceilidh’s sake.

Crystal attached. String attached to the crystal. Adrian holding the string. 

“Release the porg!” Alec said. Behind him the shadow snickered for some reason. 

With a slight shove, Trever sent the porg through the door. Adrian counted quietly to three before yanking it. The crystal didn’t come through but the string did. 

“Did it work?”

Alec stepped to the door and pushed his hand through. To the others it looked like his vanished into a void. For Alec it also looked like a black void. Mostly because even with dark vision he couldn’t see what wasn’t there. It was a dark tunnel with nothing there to see. He could, however, feel a barrier tickling across his fingers. 

Pulling away Alec nodded, “I think that’s it.” 

“Good.” Trever slapped his hands together. “I think you owe me a drink or five for this.” 

“Sure.” Alec said. Admittedly he didn’t charge Trever and his family as much as he did other people – friends and family benefits and all. But he could give Trever free drinks for this. 

Hopping off the front desk, Ceilidh said, “I want ice cream!” 

“Not until after dinner,” Grace said, picking her up and heading to the door. 

“Aww…” 

“Say good night, kiddo.” 

“Night!” 

“Night!” 

Alec watched as the red heads all left leaving him and Adrian alone. What he wanted to do right then was get something to eat, turn on the Fellowship of the Ring and just zone out to it. This he suggested to Adrian. 

“That sounds like a good idea.” 

“I’ll get food; you get the movie set up?” 

“Yup.” He kissed Alec lightly on the cheek before heading to the lounge. Feeling much lighter on his feet, Alec drifted to the kitchen to get fish and chips. He really felt like fish and chips. 

Out of the corner of his eye he spotted something on the bar wall. Thinking it was Moogie who learned a new shape he turned to congratulate the mimic and then stopped dead. It was not Moogie on the wall. 

It was a round ball of purring fur. 

“… No. Absolutely not. Fuck you.” He reached out and grabbed the tribble, ignoring its shrieks of pain and then punted it out of the door. “And stay out!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Force sensitive porgs - Well they live on an island that was the location of the first Jedi temple which should mean that the island is strong with the Force. The wildlife on the island certainly should have "absorbed" or become attuned to the Force over the multitude of generations. They might not be strong in it but they definitely have to have some sense in it. 
> 
> No tribbles were harmed in the making of this story. Even the punted one.


End file.
